Dear Teen Me from Author R.J. Anderson (ARROW, ULTRAVIOLET)

Dear Teen Rebecca,

He isn’t going to kill you. It’s going to be okay.

I know that seems hard to believe right now, when you’re hiding in a dirty hole on the building site two streets away—your brother was so angry when he found out you’d told on him, angrier than you’ve ever seen him before, and that’s saying something—but give it half an hour and he’ll cool down. I know he’s years older, a foot taller, and fifty pounds heavier than you, and yes, he’s got a hunting rifle that he threatened to shoot you with if you ever finked* on him again. But I also know that he didn’t really mean it.

I know he’s said cruel things about your hair and your weight and your clothes; I know he acts like you’re the worst thing that ever happened to him. I know how many times you’ve felt flayed and gutted by his sarcasm, his loathing, his utter contempt for the things that matter most to you—the fantasy novels that crowd your shelves, the friends you hang around with, the piano lessons you’re still taking even though he says you can’t play worth a crap.

But you’ve also had some good times together, even if they seem pretty far away at the moment. And every now and then he sits down and talks to you as though he actually cares how you feel, as though he really believes you might have something worthwhile to say. Try to hold onto that thought.

I’m not saying it’s okay for him to treat you this way. I’m definitely not saying that you deserve it. But this is really just one small portion of your life, even if it feels like it’s been going on (and will keep going on) forever. And eventually it will end, when your brother grows up enough to realize that being miserable doesn’t give him an excuse to make you miserable too.

You see, over the next few years your brother is going to become a different person. He’s got some incredibly tough, painful, humiliating experiences ahead of him, things you wouldn’t wish on him even in your bitterest moments, and somewhere in the middle of all that he’s going to come to the end of himself. He’ll realize that he’s not the man he should be or wants to be, and after a few months of struggle he’s going to follow Dad’s example and give his life over to God—and that’s going to make all the difference.

And although you’ll probably find this hard to believe, one night he’s going to apologize for the hurtful things he said to you, and admit he was wrong to treat you the way he did. He’ll tell you about some of the hard times he’s been through, and share the kind of secrets you only confess to someone you trust, and for the first time in your life you’re going to realize that he really does love and respect you, and is glad to have you as his sister, after all.

Maybe he’ll never know how deeply or how many times he hurt you; maybe he’ll never guess how terrified you were that evening you ran away and hid in a hole. (In fact he’d probably be shocked to know you took his threat so seriously.) But by then those details won’t matter so much any more, because it’ll be far in the past and you’ll know that nothing like that is ever going to happen between you again.

You’re so upset at the moment, I know you wouldn’t believe these words even if you could read them. I know you’re a mess of snot and tears and dirt, and your legs ache from crouching in that hole, and you can’t wait for your parents to get home so you can tell them what a horrible thing your brother did.

But I also know that in about five minutes you’re going to get bored of sitting here, and you’re going to sneak back home and dash into your bedroom and shut the door, and your brother won’t even notice. He’s already thinking about something else, like how much he hates this stupid town and how much better his life is going to be when he can finally get out of it. Which he’s going to do very soon, by the way.

So if you can just get through these last few weeks of the summer—and you will, because you’ve got a heavenly Father watching over you and two amazing parents who love you deeply, even if they can’t always protect you from being hurt—you’ll discover that your life isn’t nearly as miserable, or as hopeless, as you’d thought.

And in the meantime, keep working on those piano lessons. You’re going to use those a lot, especially when you and your brother end up counseling at summer camp together. And by then, he’s going to think you play pretty well.

Love,

Grown-Up Rebecca

* By the way, nobody says “finked” anymore. Not even your brother.

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R.J. (Rebecca) Anderson spent half her teen years in her brothers’ comic book store and the other half hunched over her electric typewriter, writing epic fanfic crossovers of all her favorite TV shows. She dreamed of publishing her first novel before she turned nineteen, but it actually took her about fifteen years longer to learn how to turn her pretty good ideas into a really good story. She is the UK-bestselling author of several fantasy novels for ages ten and up, as well as the teen paranormal/sci-fi thriller Ultraviolet (Carolrhoda Lab US / Orchard Books UK, 2011). You can visit her website at rj-anderson.com, find her on Twitter as @rj_anderson, or check out her Tumblr here.

Tags: Carolrhoda LAB, HarperCollins, HarperTeen, Lerner Books, Orchard Books, R.J. Anderson