Dear Teen Me, from Author Kiera Cass (THE SELECTION)

Dear Teen Kiera,

Could you do me a favor and turn off the Backstreet Boys for a sec? I’d really like your undivided attention. Oh, and I knew your hair was big, but dang. It’s like gravity has no effect on you. It’s almost impressive… Anyway, moving on.

I want to talk to you about boys. I know you like them, and that’s cool. They’re funny and charming, and sometimes they’re really awesome. Other times, not so much. I remember all about the guy you dated who showed up to class one day with a hickie from his ex. I also remember the guy you dumped over the phone via HIS MOTHER because he never called. And let’s just gloss over the handful you randomly kissed for no good reason.

You are ever so slightly boy crazy. You hang on way too long, sweetie! Even (and especially, it seems) when you’re not dating them! You’ve seen him with someone else, he’s gone off to college, or you’ve discovered he’s not really interesting, but you’re bored, so eh, he’ll do. And I don’t know why you do that. You’re smart enough to know that a relationship doesn’t define you. In fact, you have more fun alone.

But whatever. You go ahead and be boy crazy. You know why? Because your dumbassery will lead to the best things of your life.

The last boy of your teens will be a mistake. You will follow him away from home, you will tolerate him saying rude things, you will let his unkind behavior slide, you will watch as he replaces you, and, in the end, he will tell you in the most condescending way possible that you are just friends, and you will take it.

It’s possible he’s a good guy; it’s hard to say. What I can tell you with certainty is that he’s not a good guy for you.

But this is absolutely okay.

Maybe it was a mistake to follow a boy away from home, but I don’t think you would have been brave enough to go on your own otherwise. And you needed to do that, Kiera. You needed it so badly.

Maybe it was a mistake to hold your tongue when he was rude, but at least you learned to keep things to yourself from time to time. Speaking all the time doesn’t mean you’re open. It just means you’re loud.

Maybe it was a mistake to let him treat you so badly, but it was good for you to finally see what you didn’t want standing in front of you. Now that you know what it feels like to let it slide and that doing so will get you absolutely nowhere, no man will be able to walk on you like that again.

Maybe it was a mistake to sit there while you were replaced, but that girl? She’s kind of great. And the fact that you two were open with each other about what you both were feeling made you aware of just how stupid being catty with other girls for any reason (let alone a boy) actually was. She was worth it.

But that last little thing, where he’s kind of a jerk to the very end? You will carry that with you for a long time. It will haunt you because you know that you were smart enough and brave enough to tell him that how he treated you wasn’t okay, and you didn’t. That’s one of those moments where holding your tongue wasn’t a good idea.

All the same I want to encourage you to let it go. In the grand scheme, it doesn’t even matter. He was not good for you, and that’s fine. But the place he led you to was kind of life-changing.

Had you two not crossed paths, not been attached, not fallen out… there would have been nothing that came after. No husband you adore and who adores you back, no hilarious-awesome-gorgeous baby, no career that makes you light up inside. At best, you’d be working at some tourist-trap location in Myrtle Beach, occasionally grasping at jobs that were better but that you know wouldn’t be enough. Would there be a husband? A family? Maybe. But I think you would have acquired both well before you were ready for them and botched both in the process. That childlike spirit of yours? It’s not a phase. And had you not endured what’s coming up, you might never have learned how to balance it. And without that balance, it’s hard to be a loving wife or a nurturing parent… it’s hard to be anything but selfish, actually.

So, yes, you’re coming up on a time that will completely suck. You will hope and pray and cry, and you will still end up hurt. But it’s alright. Forgive him for it, and, more importantly, forgive yourself.

You are special, and I still love everything about you, and that period of your life will only make you better. There’s so much hurt in the world, and there are bigger doses to come for you. Don’t be afraid of it, don’t be angry at it. Use it. Share it. Create with it. I don’t want to ruin the surprise, but trust me when I say the things you create will mean a lot to other people. I promise.

For now, keep being odd (this will be helpful later too!), hold tight to your faith (yep, still crucial), and stay focused on showing love (so very important). Oh, also, hair gel is your friend, babe, embrace it. And keep having fun.

I love every piece of you,

K

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In high school, Kiera Cass was a full-fledged nerd who lived for theater, choir, and dance classes. She had (well, has) an obsessive personality and got a fake wedding certificate off the internet that proclaimed she was married to Brian Littrell of the Backstreet Boys… She still has it.

In college, after several majors, she settled on History, and graduated from Radford University in December 2003. Five months later, she married her husband (also a nerd), and currently lives in Blacksburg, Virginia with her family.

She is repped by Elana Roth of the Johnson Literary Agency, and her debut novel, THE SELECTION, will be out April 24, 2012 with HarperTeen. You can talk to her pretty much anytime on twitter (@kieracass) and can learn more about her projects at kieracass.com.

Tags: HarperTeen, Johnson Literary Agency, YA