Dear Teen Me, from Author Caridad Ferrer (WHEN THE STARS GO BLUE)
Dear Teen Me,
Oh boy, you really have it shitty right now, don’t you? Your parents have turned into absolute clichés, your dad having run off with another woman and taken all the money with him, missing more and more of the promised visitations, leaving you waiting on the front porch Sunday afternoon after Sunday afternoon. In the meantime your mother is burying her anger and depression with a string of boyfriends, each one younger (and skeevier) than the last, all the while insisting you must remain “pure.” It hits rock bottom when you come home after a summer away to discover that she’s been dating your boyfriend—the first boyfriend you’ve ever had.
Away from home it’s not a whole lot better, is it? People mock you for being homely (you’re not—it’s just a different kind of pretty) and different (they’re scared of different) and smart (you’re really no smarter than a lot of other kids, but again, it’s a different sort of smart and remember what I said about being scared of “different”?).
They treat your extreme shyness like a red cape waved at a bull, charging at you again and again, in search of all your weak spots: being Cuban in a white bread society, being curvy when stick insect physiques are desirable, being enthusiastic about interests that go beyond acid wash, neon bracelets, and Madonna.
How I wish I could tell you that things are going to change. But the sad truth is, the older you get, the more you’re going to understand that too many people remain trapped—in their pasts and in fear. Terrified of moving past the familiar and embracing the unknown. And in their fear and ignorance, there’s going to be continued cruelty coupled with attempts to trap you as well. They’re going to try like hell to maintain an illusion of control by attempting to keep you just as miserable as you are right now.
I won’t lie. There are going to be times in the years to come that you’re going to be even more miserable than you currently are and you’re going to wonder why the world seems to view you as an emotional punching bag.
Unfortunately, it comes down to another cliché. It’s because you’re tough. Too many people are threatened by that sort of toughness —the emotional remove you use as a mask to shield yourself—and like that red cape waved at the bull, feel the constant need to test it. To see if they can break you. Trust me, you’re going to be tested, over and over again, well into adulthood. In fact, it’s going to continue, well into the present day.
That’s the bad news.
Here’s the good news.
They can’t break you.
Not even close. And bit by bit, you’re going to come into your own.
That hunger you feel clawing at your insides that leaves you with the prickly sensation that there’s more—that you’re meant for something different, something extraordinary—heed it. It’s going to serve you well. Because of that restless gnawing, you’re going to refuse to settle for the mundane and easy. Ultimately, it’s going to drive you past all those unhappy people into a world where the rules you heed are your own.
Adult Caridad!
The habit you have of internalizing will develop into an intense self-awareness that will allow you to figure out who you are and to celebrate those differences. You keep learning and you never settle for the status quo and as a result, your life is amazing and the best part? It’s an attitude you’re passing on to those two tremendous people you’ve brought into the world. They celebrate different and want more because they see you pursuing the same and it’s one of the coolest things in the world. To see their lack of fear.
One last thing: that habit you have of entertaining yourself with stories? Keep it up. I promise, it’s going to come in handy.
Love,
Me.
When the Stars Go Blue, Thomas Dunne Books
Caridad Ferrer is a first generation, bilingual Cuban-American, whose young adult debut, Adiós to My Old Life was Romance Writers of America’s 2007 RITA® winner for Best Contemporary Single Title Romance as well as being named to the 2009 Popular Paperbacks for Young Adults list, awarded by the ALA.
Her latest young adult novel, When the Stars Go Blue, a contemporary retelling of Bizet’s Carmen, was released by Thomas Dunne Books with Booklist calling it, “Well written, with contemporary characters and an engaging story line.” Recently, Stars was honored as the first place YA Novel: English Language at the 2011 International Latino Book Awards.
A native Floridian, Ferrer now makes her home in the Pacific Northwest, thriving amidst the rain and cooler weather, finding it the perfect writing environment.
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What a lovely post. Sigh. Teenage years are so hard sometimes!
“Too many people are threatened by that sort of toughness”
Wow, I really needed this reminder! I almost let someone psych me out. Thanks for the kick in the pants.
A brave and lovely post!
You’re an embodiment of a true woman of strength and substance .It was inspiring reading your post. Vaya con Dios Caridad