Dear Teen Me, from Author Julie Halpern (DON’T STOP NOW, INTO THE WILD NERD YONDER, GET WELL SOON)

Posted on June 8, 2011
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Dear Teen Me,

I know you are thinking what the fuck? right now. Never on your list of things you thought you’d do (marry Eddie Vedder, go to film school, live in Australia) did you ever add stay in a mental hospital.

Teen Julie!

But there you are.

And it’s weird, right? Because as much as you hate it, hate the nurses who don’t really know you or care about you, hate the 5:30 a.m. wake-up calls and communal showers, hate the bullshit therapy sessions that seem tailored for people way more messed up than you, you kind of like it, too, don’t you? Instead of panicking (by the way, nobody ever told you this, why would they, but you were having panic attacks. And lots of other people have them, too. Maybe if that therapist Mary whatshername [I give her office the finger every time I drive by, twenty years later] figured that out sooner, you wouldn’t even be in a mental hospital) about going to school or the movies or anywhere, you’re almost comfortable at Lake Shore. Not only that, but people there like you. Boys like you. Cute boys like you. When has that ever happened before, right? And I know you’re worried that when you get out, things are going to go right back to how life was before Lake Shit. But I am here to tell you it won’t. At all. Ever again.

One of the first and best things to come out of your incarceration, I mean hospitalization, is that you lose all faith in the adults in your life. Which sounds so tragic, I know, but you need that. You need a break from your homebound life to see what a strong, brave, creative, independent individual you are. And you will.

Teen Julie in a Really Cool Hat

You know how the food is kind of gross at Lake Shit and you don’t always feel like eating? Well, you lose weight. And when you get home and you don’t want to be around your family, you start walking. And walking. And you lose more weight. By the time you’re a sophomore in college [Yes, you go to college AND graduate school] you are thin and almost (let’s be real) like to exercise. But for now, I want you to know—repeat after me—YOU ARE NOT NOR WERE YOU EVER FAT. Fuck Brad Belden for calling you the fattest girl in fourth grade. That guy is probably some miserable, boring businessman douche with a ginormous bald spot by now. Who cares that you’re not skinny? Guess what—guys don’t really care about that either. Well, some do, but they’re the same guys who wax their chests and pay for cable just for the sports channels. Are you really interested in those guys? No, you are not. You will have plenty of decent choices, and soon. Most of them good, some of them bad, none of them ugly. Love yourself in whatever shape you’re in, and you will find love. A whole bunch of times.

Speaking of love and guys, I have to inform you that a guy you liked in high school actually liked you back. I recently read your freshman year journal, and there was concrete evidence that the cute skater boy in gym class totally liked you. Every day he found a reason to talk about your ratty Converse. That was blatant mackage! Maybe you just weren’t ready to be liked. Don’t worry. Your time is coming up soon (sadly, and for a good long while, with a semi-turd, but you cheat on him a couple of times so it’s all good. In fact, I give you permission to break up with him way earlier than you do).

Teen Julie, during her Renaissance Fair Phase

You know what else comes from being in a mental hospital? Stories. Tons of stories of which you will remember every minute detail for years to come. Eventually, you will write those stories down in the form of a novel. You’ll call it Get Well Soon, and it will be published. People will buy it and read it and write you letters about how they relate to your depression or how they never knew what their depressed family member or friend was going through until they read your book. You are going to help people, way more than any of those bastard shrinks you’re forced to see now.

Maybe none of this means anything while you’re still locked up, but here’s a small list of things you have to look forward to. Things that will happen even though you are currently in a mental hospital:

• First and foremost: you meet Eddie Vedder. Next summer! It’s perfect. You deserve it. Don’t shave your legs.
• After college you move to Australia all by yourself. You even camp in the outback! Don’t freak out.
• You get a master’s degree in Library and Information Science and become a school librarian. And you love it. No, it’s cool. Really.
• After dating a bunch, you fall in love with the sweetest, smartest, most creative guy, get married, and have a smart-as-a-whip, tough-as-nails, and every other hyphenated clichéd testament of awesome daughter.
• You write at least three more novels (with lots more to come, for sure).

There’s a lot of other fun stuff, too, like living in New York City for a summer and working on a TV show. You’ll discover and see a million amazing bands, travel to forty-six states, five countries (and counting!), and win awards for your bizarre college films and for being a librarian (that’s how good you are!). You turn out so much better than you ever believed was possible. Better than anyone let on you could be. Now, you believe that everything is possible.

Keep your chin up, Julie. Don’t let the psychiatrists get you down. Oh, and don’t be afraid to cut your hair. Guys love a girl with the confidence to chop her hair off. You are totally that girl.

xxoo,
Julie

Julie in her Australian Flat with Friends!

Julie Halpern is the author of Don’t Stop Now, Into the Wild Nerd Yonder, and Get Well Soon, a novel based on her experience in a mental hospital as a teen. She lives in the suburbs of Chicago with her husband, author/illustrator Matthew Cordell, their brilliant daughter, and hefty cat. She is currently working on the sequel to Get Well Soon, which answers the question: How do you go back to normal when you just got out of a mental hospital? She hopes her Dear Teen Me post helps those dealing with the weight of depression understand you can and will get out. She most certainly did.

You can read Julie’s random thoughts on her Blog of Wonder and learn more than you need to know about Julie and her books at her website.

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