Dear Teen Me from Author and Playwright Amy Goodwin (ROUNDING HOME)
Dear Teen Me,
I’d like to address your problem with groups. Specifically the fact that you always feel like an outsider. You think everyone else seems to fit in but you. You feel socially awkward and get nervous in a crowd. I’m here to tell you that will never change, and it’s okay. In fact, it is highly functional to be cautious and skeptical when it comes to groups.
Groups can be destructive. Groups will tell you are not pretty. Groups will say that you will never be popular. Groups will tell you who is going to heaven or who is going to hell. Groups will destroy the wonders of the world. Groups will tell you what to read. Groups will tell you who to marry. Groups will tell you what to wear. Groups will tell you what to think.
Don’t get me wrong. Groups aren’t bad in and of themselves. A group runs our country. A group built the pyramids. A group brought about civil rights. A group wrote our Constitution. A group may save your life one day or save someone you love.
But be skeptical and cautious of groups because there are people in them. People can be a problem.
We cannot avoid groups. We will have various group memberships throughout our life. We must be able to function as a group member in order to work, to live, and to love. Just examine what the people in the group tell you. And stay on the perimeter of a group if you can. That way if the group starts telling you to do bad things, you have a quick exit. Remember, in a group it’s hard to protect yourself. In a group it’s hard to sometimes even have a self at all.
One antidote to groups I have found helpful is to join a bunch of groups at the same time. I did that in college. I joined a sorority. I joined the International Students Club (even though I’m American). I joined the track team. I joined a religious club. I joined an acting club. When one of my groups put uncomfortable demands on me (Like my sorority said my participation in “Rush” was mandatory, I said, “Sorry, I have a track meet.” Or “my acting club is putting on a play.” I found that if I was in enough groups, they begin to cancel each other out. Or in the very least I got to pick and choose what I would and would not participate in. I had a legitimate excuse for being somewhere else.
Amy’s News Interview following Hershey Nationals-13 yrs.-old from Amy Goodwin on Vimeo.
If the group you’re in says, “The so-and-so group is bad.” I say go join the “so-and-so group” to see what all the fuss is about. If your group says, “Don’t talk to this person. They are bad.” Go sit with that person and get to know them. Only then you can decide if you agree with the group conscience or not.
And remember, one the all time best loved teenage novels is called THE OUTSIDERS…
Love,
Amy
Commonly known facts about Amy Goodwin: She grew up in a small Texas town, Bellville. She knows how to play the piano. She graduated 3rd in her high school class. She has a: B.S. in History, USC; M.S. in Curriculum & Teaching, USC; M.Ed. in Counseling & Guidance, Texas State. In high school, she had the third fastest time in the nation in the 800M, which earned her a full track & field scholarship to USC. At USC she ran Cross Country (All-American in 1989) and the 800M. In 2010 she was selected to the UIL Girls Track & Field All Century Team for the 800M. Her brother, Hunter Goodwin, played in the NFL for 8 years with the Minnesota Vikings and the Miami Dolphins. Her father, Bob Goodwin, played football for the University of Texas at Austin in the late 1950′s. Her mother, Anne Goodwin, was “Woman of the Year” at Texas Tech. Currently, Amy is a middle school counselor in Austin, Texas. She is working on the novelization of her play, ROUNDING HOME, which was well-received by reviewers in 2002.
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Amy, I love your philosophy on groups — and your 13-yr-old self in that interview is adorable!
ha! I always avoid joining because commitment makes me nervous–never thought the answer would be MORE JOINING!
Nice letter!
Shelli-Thanks for your reply and watching the video. Don’t you just love the tube socks? They really should come back.
Elissa, Good to hear from you! And yes, I have found overcommitment to be much more socially acceptable than social isolation!